A Heartbreakingly Common Story

Ok, I'll tell you my gay story again. Short and sweet.
from DailyKos | by W Clathe | December 22, 2008

I am not sure how many times I've told my story, yelled it from the treetops, begged, worked, wrote, struggled to get to where I am today with a good life, husband, child, family and friends. Life is good, now. But she's right. You are condescending to think to advise me to 'not be angry,' to 'strategize'. What do you think I've been doing for a half century, holding my anger so as not to be beaten, strategizing so as not to be hurt. So, let me tell you again,

I fell in love at 15, with a boy. After Stonewall, before Milk.

He killed himself when I was 18. His father found out he was gay. I found him, in his room bloody and dying. That was the year Milk became supervisor.

Reeling from pain, anguish and trauma, I became a Mormon soon after his death. I went on a Mormon mission to Korea (secretly hoping it would change me). That was the year Milk was assassinated.

After returning from my mission in 1981, my bishop decided I needed to undergo therapy to 'change.' For a long, horrifying year, I underwent 'aversion therapy.' This nearly destroyed me. It was the beginning of the AIDS epidemic.

Following my first love's footsteps, in 1983 I attempted suicide because life was hell.

In 1984, attempting to see for myself what life was like "on the other side" I visited a gay bar in D.C. while working there for the summer. Two 'frat boys' saw me leave the bar, followed me, cornered me in a park and beat me.

In 1987, I joined the National Guard, hiding my sexuality.

In late 1990, after some reasonable therapy and getting up courage I came out to my mother, a brother and some friends.

In January of 1991, I was called up for Desert Storm (I was in the National Guard. Back in the closet.

Returning from Desert Storm, I came out to my father. He stopped talking to me, for years. During these years DADT was instituted (I was still in the active Reserves) and DOMA passed.

In 1993, I was "outed" in my graduate school (I was getting a Ph.D. in molecular biology). For the next 3-4 years, a particular member of my committee let it be known he didn't like my sexuality. Luckily, there were other members of the committee that weren't so homophobic.

In 1996, having been out but celibate (trying to remain a Mormon in good standing), I met the love of my life. He was my soulmate, he still is my soulmate.

1n January of 1997, I was excommunicated from the Mormon church for immoral conduct... loving my soulmate.

In December of 1997 we had a commitment ceremony (in what has turned out to be the first of our four 'weddings'). 150 people attended, our lives were changing.

In 1999, my Dad starting talking with me again.

In 2000, we tried to make our relationship at least partially legal with a California Domestic Partnership and a small ceremony.. our second 'wedding'.

In 2002 we adopted an infant girl, after YEARS of navigating the already normally difficult adoption process made more so by being gay, our sweet amazing daughter.

In 2004 we got married (our third 'wedding') in the San Francisco marriages.

Just this October we got married in our FOURTH wedding, now that is threatened with the passage of prop 8 and current law suit.

All along we have been shunned by my brother-in-law and his family and many others, and fought long and hard with many hours of our time and a large portion of our income to bring some legal protections.

Yes, we've come a long way. But we suffered, struggled and crawled our way here... sometimes LITERALLY crawled to get here.

We endured hate, beatings, death, torture, shunning, excommunications and discrimination to get even just this small part of equality. (and when I say "we" I mean I.. I have endured EVERY thing on that list, as have many gay and lesbians here).

So, give us a bit of slack when we get angry and hurt when someone who represents, and is an integral part of, all of that hate and torture and death is giving the prayer that will bring in what we hoped will be a new and hopeful presidency.

We've endured a hell of a lot to get even here. There is my story, in a nutshell. So, please, don't presume to tell us when we should be 'calm'. I've spent nearly four decades being 'calm.'

Update: I have an open invitation to Rick Warren, if Obama and Warren want to start 'dialog'. Come to my home. Spend a day with us and some of our GLBT friends who are raising their own families, living their lives. Meet our children and our families. Listen to our stories. It doesn't have to be my home, there are hundreds of thousands of homes you could visit. Do this before the inauguration. Do it publicly. Discussion and dialog go both ways. I see many GLBT celebrities (Etheridge and her wife among them) willing to meet with you and then publicly announce how good you are. I'd like to see someone who has called me and my family no better than criminals and pedophiles be willing to do the same. My home is open. I'm sure there are many that are. Prove to us you are willing to be seen with and listen to us, publicly. Prove to us that there really is a dialog.